


War Torn Earth Or How I Learned to Love Coffee

by Arken_Stone1



Series: The Doctor's Good Omens, Oooh, Myyy! [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Plot Generator Run Amok, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arken_Stone1/pseuds/Arken_Stone1
Summary: Too much caffeine and writer's block inspired this drabble. The plot generator and I went to war and I think it won. Please enjoy it in the manner it was intended: whimsical and fun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Good Omens or any of the characters mentioned in this story. All belong to Neil Gaiman and the late Terry Pratchett. I write this for love, not profit and the love of crackfic No celestial no\r infernal beings were harmed in the writing of this masterpiece. Please do not sue. I'm already broke.

Crowley looked at the ancient wings in his hands and felt happy.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his polluted surroundings. He had always loved wartorn Earth with its purring, proud plagues. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel happy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Aziraphale. Aziraphale was a sexy angel with tall wings and ginger hearts.

Crowley gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a stylish, rebellious, coffee drinker with skinny wings and sinewy hearts. His friends saw him as a different, delicious demon. Once, he had even helped a mysterious little old lady recover from a flying accident. Not even helping such a dowager in distress could prepare Crowley for what Aziraphale 

The cloud teased like judging savannah cat, making Crowley stoned. 

As Crowley stepped outside and Aziraphale came closer, he could see the charming glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want help in stopping the Apocolypse," Aziraphale bellowed, in a mischievous tone. He slammed his fist against Crowley's chest, with the force of 3823 scarlet McCaw. "I frigging love you, Crowley."

Crowley looked back, even more stoned and still fingering the ancient wings. "Aziraphale, you mustn't say such things," he replied.

They looked at each other with ecstatic feelings, like two faint, flipping fennec fox destroying at a very savvy end of the world, which had jazz music playing in the background and two witty uncles burning to the beat.

Crowley studied Aziraphale's tall wings and ginger hearts. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you help in stopping the Apocolypse," he explained, in pitying tones.

Aziraphale looked euphoric, his body raw like a homeless, horny toad.

Crowley could actually hear Aziraphale's body shatter into 2088 pieces. Then the sexy angel hurried away into the distance.

Not even a cup of coffee would calm Crowley's nerves tonight.


	2. The Bodacious Sunset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what social distancing does to one's mind. Combine one utterly mad Whovian, a blue box, a demon and a fill-in-the-blank generator and voila! One crazy tale to tell.

Rose Tyler was thinking about Anthony Crowley again. Anthony was an adventurous handsome bloke with had really, really great hair, a body part that can't be named and cooler another body part that can't be named.

Rose walked over to the window and reflected on how the Doctor took on Crowley as a companion. She had always loved bigger on the inside TARDIS with its annoying, attractive a distinctive shade of blue. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel smitten.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the adventurous figure of Anthony Crowley.

Rose gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a beautiful, brilliant, pina colada drinker with ginger on the body part that can't be named Her friends saw her as a crazy, clumsy chav. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved an icy Time Lord, but not even a beautiful person who had once jumped into a river and saved an icy Time Lord, was prepared for what Anthony had in store today. 

The lightning teased like running tribbles, making Rose confused. Rose grabbed a bodacious sunset that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Rose stepped outside and Anthony came closer, she could see the troubled glint in his eye. Anthony gazed with the affection of 6925 blonde helpful hellhounds. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want a snog and a shag."

Rose looked back, even more confused and still fingering the bodacious sunset. "Anthony, forget Ten and love me because I'm awesome," she replied.

They looked at each other with deeply in love feelings, like two eggy, enthusiastic ewoks burning at a very kinky end-of-the-Earth-as-we-know-it-party that had samba music playing in the background and two fun uncles snogging to the beat.

Rose regarded Anthony's really, really great hair the body part that can't be named and cooler another body part that can't be named. "I feel the same way!" revealed Rose with a delighted grin.

Anthony looked lustful, his emotions blushing like a rainy, ripe Rolls Royce and and kissed Rose Tyler. 

The End


End file.
